Unscrewed with Martin Sargent

As the old saying goes, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Well, if tonight's guests are any indicator, it looks like the past might be coming back to roost. And to root through TechTV's fridge for leftovers. Two ex-hosts are coming back to talk about life after TechTV. What are they up to? Are they running multimillion dollar enterprises or do they drink bum wine and live in cardboard boxes? And are the sins of AOL's past about to come back and bite the company in the ass? Two guys are mad as hell, and you can help them wreak havoc on one of the Internet's biggest mega-corporations.

Well, it's come to this. We're kidnapping people. I thought that extortion would be the first real law we broke, but I was wrong, it's kidnapping. Every late night show needs a band, and we're no exception. Our house band, The Day Drinkers, are pretty good, but they needed a drummer. So they kidnapped Letterman's. Yup, we're messin' with the big guy, and I'm just hoping he doesn't notice. (Although I'm sure I could take their Web guy in a bare-knuckle fight to the death, I know Dave would knock the stuffin' out of poor Marty.) And if kidnapping people isn't enough to pique your interest, we have world-famous fetish photographer Eric Kroll. Kroll's here to talk latex, muses, and ball gags with Marty. Plus, if the feds are pounding down your door, get rid of the evidence via a rocket-propelled hard drive.

Well, a lot's been happenin' 'round the ol' Internet. Seems like Paris Hilton has been a bit of a skank. If you ask li'l ol' me, that's just fine. That's the great thing about this country: You can be whatever you want to be. You can take your massive wealth and create endowments for the arts. You can create shelters to help feed and clothe the less fortunate. You can strive to make the world a better place. Or you can run around like a drunken tramp, get taped boning some dude, and then pretty much make an ass out of yourself on an awful reality television show. Ahh, the sweet nectar of freedom. ""Unscrewed's"" own Paris Hilton, Joey the Intern, was inspired by such a bold example of the succulence of videography, so he decided to make his own ""sex"" tape. Make sure you check it out. Actually, the freedom of the Internet runs through the veins of tonight's show. We have an interview with Kevin Blatt, the publicist for SexBrat.com, the site that purchased the Paris Hilton sex tape. Also,

Rarely are you offered the opportunity to sharpen and dull your mind in the same half-hour of television. Well, tonight, we here at ""Unscrewed"" give it to you. First, the dulling. Choosing to neuter your dog is a very important choice. So important in fact that an industry has sprung up to fill the niche of prosthetic dog testicles. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent, years were devoted and in the end inventor Gregg Miller has handed us the Neuticle, a plastic (or hardened silicon) dog testicle replacement. Will your pooch be able to tell the difference? More importantly, will Fifi, the poodle down the street know? Now the sharpening (actually just less of a dulling). Ancient history is really, really old. I mean it's so old that no one really knows what happened, so people just make stuff up. On one hand you have your stodgy, scholarly types with their ""book learning"" and their ""facts."" But on the other hand, the hand sporting a foam finger stating ""Aliens are #1,"" we have to

Let's say you've achieved some moderate degree of success in your life. You have a career you enjoy, a solid group of quality friends, even a satisfying romantic relationship. Your finances are pretty much in order. You're in good health. You have enough free time and money to indulge a hobby or two. And yet something is missing. You still don't feel like you've ""made it."" There remains some elusive triumph or achievement just beyond your grasp. What is it? What's the missing ingredient that would validate your entire existence? The answer, of course, is a personal phone call from ""Kato"" Kaelin. That's right. For the bargain-basement price of $19.95 you can pay a pseudo-celebrity to place a personal phone call to you or your friends. Tune in tonight when Ron ""Horshack"" Palillo of ""Welcome Back Kotter"" fame explains how Hollywood Is Calling can work for you. Plus, we'll talk to the man who put the ""ESP"" in espionage: Lyn Buchanan, former psychic spy and author of ""The Seventh Sense."" He

From exposing secret societies to casting light on the plight of the modern-day waitress, ""Unscrewed"" is the Upton Sinclair of the late-night world. It's a hard burden to bear, being crusaders for justice and all. But we're just doing what we think is right! Actually, we're doing what we think is funny, but for once they're one and the same. Ever wonder about that funky eye on the back of the dollar bill? To traditional students of Latin, Novus Ordo Seclorum means ""A New Order of the Ages."" But to this guest it simply means that Satan controls our government. Dr. Stanley Monteith, conspiracy theorist and orthopedic surgeon, has pierced the veil of secrecy and is here to reveal the malevolent forces controlling your mind from a bunker in the Swiss Alps. And from the Alps to the diner down the street, we bring to you the creator of bitterwaitress.com. That's right, we get inside the head of a waitress and learn what it's really like to serve celebrities food. Would you believe that Rebec

Tonight we take a walk down ""Unscrewed"" memory lane when we invite back the very first guest ever to appear on the program, Alex Chiu. Maybe a second visit will allow us to determine once and for all if he's a raving lunatic or a misunderstood genius who discovered the secret of eternal life. Plus, D-Tip is back with some deviously simple tricks guaranteed to drive your co-workers completely over the edge. All this, plus another thrilling game of Search Sperts, and of course our Girl Gone Wired.

If you're a pet owner, you're familiar with this problem. Your pet is fed. Your pet has been taken to the appropriate place to relieve itself. Your pet is not cold, ill, confined, injured, or uncomfortable in any visible way. And your pet will not shut the f**k up. Lucky for you, the helpful folks at Takara have developed a solution. The Bow-Lingual is a handy gadget designed to translate your dog's barking into human speech. Does it work? Watch tonight when the lovely Laura Swisher and her dog, Bean, put it to the test. We've also got the latest celebrity dirt from The Smoking Gun, a free game that has you hiding condoms from your parents, and a Girl Gone Wired with an inspirational message.

Tonight, ""Unscrewed"" brings together the undisputed King of Smut with the unproven Lackey of Late-Night Television. Tune in to see Marty talk with Hustler's head honcho Larry Flynt about Flynt's crusade to protect our First Amendment right to free speech. Of course, Marty also asks Larry if the bullet wound that rendered him a paraplegic has interfered with his sex life. Because after all, this is ""Unscrewed."" Dark Tipper Kevin Rose will also stop by the set to show you how to listen in on AOL Instant Messenger conversations. All this, plus a helpful guide for selecting bum wines, a positively gruesome free Flash game, a devastatingly beautiful Girl Gone Wired, and Search Sperts: Battle of the Champions. Don't miss it!

It's our very first Halloween here on ""Unscrewed,"" and we're determined to make it ghoulishly good for the whole family! So gather your friends and loved ones around the tube and join in our wholesome holiday fun. You and your little ones love pumpkin carving, don't you? Well why not jack up your jack-o'-lanterns with the help of some power tools? Our extreme pumpkin-carving segment will inspire you to experiment with your chainsaw and power sander to create a scene from your favorite slasher film. Your neighbors are sure to envy your ingenuity! Plus, we explore the spiritual side of this holiday with the help of the High Priestess of the Church of Satan. We also have trick or treating, mystery spots, and a gorgeously gothic Girl Gone Wired. Now is that better than bobbing for apples or what?

Tonight on ""Unscrewed,"" Laura takes her shirt off. There's more to it than that, of course. It's a gesture of solidarity and sisterhood dedicated to Bunny Bunns, who will also be topless. And bottomless. This former dot commer turned nude party chef will stop by the studio to serve up some spring rolls prepared in her signature style -- naked. Doesn't that tempt your tummy? If combining spring roll and skin isn't your deal, we've also got the inventor of the Aura Camera here to take a Polaroid of Marty's aura. Plus, yet another reason to get broadband, an enthralling Dear Blog entry, and of course a Girl Gone Wired.

I've never understood men's obsession with women wrestlers. OK, so you put two attractive girls in bikinis and you watch them roll around on the floor, or the mud, or the vat of Jell-O until one of them manages to pin down the other. Big whoop. Sure, there's the whole girl-on-girl sexual undertone going on, but if you're into that, why not just rent porn? Frankly, the appeal was lost on me. Until, of course, I watched the taping of tonight's show. These chicks kick serious ass! They're strong, they're skilled, and they whipped Marty and our security guard without breaking a sweat! Whether you respect their athleticism, admire their more obvious attributes, or just like watching Marty get slapped like a girly-man, you're bound to enjoy watching these women in action. We're also talking to the inventor of a warp drive device for spaceships and featuring another glorious Girl Gone Wired. Don't miss it.

Guns and girls go together like ice cream and apple pie, don't they? Which is why we're such big fans of Nolan Conley and his website GunGirls.com. The site was originally designed to help George Bush defeat Al Gore using photos of half-naked women and weapons. You laugh, but who's sitting in the Oval Office, hmm? Plus, we've got the Lycos Top 50, which helps us track the strangest searches on the Internet; another mouth-watering Girl Gone Wired; and a brand new feature called ""Playing With Yourself!"" Now that's entertainment.

Tonight's show is for the latent gear-head in all of us. Do you swoon over tricked-out speedsters? Does horsepower get you hot? Are you a heterosexual male who purchased ""The Fast and the Furious"" on DVD? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you do not want to miss tonight's ""Unscrewed."" We'll talk to an earthquake tracker who practices his predictive science with the help of one seriously stocked SUV. Then we'll offer a titillating taste of the erotic world of Gas Pedal Fetishists. Finally, we'll feature a fabulous new Girl Gone Wired who is guaranteed to get your motor running. Enjoy the ride!

What is it about a tan that makes people look better? Tans give even ugly people a certain sexual attractiveness. It's definitely true that fat looks better tan. While not everyone lives in year-round sunny weather, that's no excuse not to have a golden glow. On tonight's show, Tom Laughlin, inventor of Mist-On Tan, is going to turn Martin's ass from pasty white to beautiful bronze in just 60 seconds. Imagine looking like you spend your free time in the sun instead of the confines of local bars. Also on the program, Laura's work antics land her in the office of TechTV's human resources department. Find out how a website got our co-host in hot water. Plus, new installments of Memoirs of a Radio Hut Guy, and tonight's vixen, whose dirty ways secured her a spot in the Girls Gone Wired gallery.

As you may have guessed from watching Martin, hosting your own TV show ain't easy. Which is why we've developed such an ardent appreciation for Jim Spagg. This wig-sporting nudist hosted his very own cable access television show for 14 years. We'll be lucky to stay on until the end of the year! On tonight's show we'll grill Jim for the secrets of his success, the language he created, and the religion he founded. Here's hoping he doesn't give Marty any ideas. We'll also chat with F***ed Company's front man, Philip ""Pud"" Kaplan, about some of his favorite dot-com debacles. And we'll hear from our friendly neighborhood porn mom and meet a Girl Gone Wired with a very sweet tooth. Don't miss it.

I'm sure many of you are still virgins, and that's OK. But if you haven't done the deed by age 22, you may want to turn to drastic measures. Tonight you'll meet Ryan Bennett. He's auctioning off his virginity on eBay. No strings attached. What a great idea! Maybe Martin should lie and auction his off, too. I'm sure someone will offer to pay a dollar. Also on the program tonight, Man-Faye. Although he dresses like anime character Faye Valentine from ""Cowboy Bebop,"" he doesn't exactly look like her. And find out what happens when we send Eugene the Creepy Intern to Model Fest.

You're sitting in front of Starbucks enjoying a venti caramel macciato with soy milk (Martin's favorite), and out of nowhere a group of people show up, chant a ridiculous phrase, and then flee. Did the indie rocker who sold you your beverage slip something in your cup? No. It's just a new worldwide fad. These harmless gatherings are called flash mobs. Tonight, Tom Grow, chief instigation officer of MobProject.com, sheds some light on flash mobs. Also on the program, D-Tip shows you how to rid your PC of all incriminating files in a matter of seconds. And alien seeker Judy Messoline talks about why she has erected a UFO watchtower in the middle of Colorado. Plus, another sex kitten from our Girls Gone Wired gallery.

Only in America can we force a recall for a governor, and only in America can someone like Martin get his own TV show. Since we can't recall Martin from late night, (believe us, we've tried), it's time to grill the candidates like only ""Unscrewed"" can. We need to make sure whoever gets into office is willing to protect our rights to download music and surf for porn. Join us for a night of pure pandemonium. You thought the recall was asinine? Trust us, you ain't seen nothing yet. All 135 candidates have been invited, and only seven bold people have stepped forth so far.

Don't you hate it when you're sitting on the can trying to ""take care of business,"" but you can't, 'cause someone is watching you and making you nervous? It's time you put an end to this stage fright, because before you know it, no matter which stall you use, someone will be watching. And that someone is none other than actor Jeff Goldblum. And you thought ""The Fly"" was creepy. Tonight you'll meet Matt Blessing, a man on a mission to make sure Mr. Goldblum is watching you every time you ""drop a load."" Also on the program, Andrew Goldberg of ""The Smoking Gun"" is back with more dirt on celebrities and names in the news. Plus, new installments of Dear Blog, and another bustified Girl Gone Wired.

The RIAA has made itself clear. Stop the downloading, or else. Well, if the RIAA was forced to make a living on the peanuts we earn a week, maybe it'd understand why we do it. After shelling out money for rent, porn, and other expenditures, we barely have enough cash to pay the bar tab. Tonight, Martin takes a stand against the powers that be in a battle of the ages. A goofy, small-time television host squares off against the big boys from Washington. Put the kids to bed early, because this one could get ugly. Also on the program, meet Pete Brusyo. He loves the 40-ounce malt liquors just as much as our host does. Indeed, Pete has erected a website dedicated to the ultimate party beverage. Plus, Rubik's Cube genius Dan Knights attempts to solve the '80s toy in under 17 seconds. (That's longer than Martin lasts in the sack.) And we have new installments of Dear Blog and Girls Gone Wired.

Have you ever tried something different -- something kinky -- in bed with your special lady without asking her first, only to have her blow up at you? Did you have to enlist the help of her friends to get you back in her good graces? What a pain. Of course, if you bought yourself a Realdoll, you might think those days are over. Not so. The only difference between a real doll and a Realdoll is that when a Realdoll blows up, you need to call on Dr. Slade Fiero. Also on the show tonight, a new installment of our esteemed game show, Search Sperts. We have two new participants, and it's safe to say the ladies are our wildest contestants yet. Plus, this week's Fancy Fetish has all the elements of a classic moment on TV. Here's a hint: It contains chocolate syrup, adult entertainers, and Joey the Intern.

Usually this space would contain a paragraph or two heralding the highlights of tonight's show and encouraging you to tune in. Not today. See, we don't need to convince you to watch tonight. You'll inevitably find yourself drawn to your television as the ""Unscrewed"" hour approaches. You will reach for the dial. You will watch. You can't help it. Know why? Because you are under psychic attack! We're remotely influencing you even as you read these lines! And here's the best part. If you want to know how to defend yourself (or how to remotely influence others), you're going to have to watch the show! Not that you need convincing, but we're also going to interview Traci Lords, send Scary Gary out to terrorize pedestrians, and showcase another gorgeous Girl Gone Wired.

You know what this world needs more of? Conspiracy theories and hairy women. Lucky for you, we at ""Unscrewed"" are here to help. On tonight's show you can enjoy the musical stylings of Ernie on acid. (Yes, ""that"" Ernie.) You can hear Jim Marrs' theories on who's really running the world, and you can watch the surprisingly hairless Laura Swisher enter her very first beard-growing contest. All this, plus an informative Porn Tip and yet another gorgeous Girl Gone Wired. Now that's entertainment!

In every long-term intimate relationship there comes a time when the fireworks start to fizzle. You can fake it for a while, you can hope it goes away on its own, or you can turn off the Enigma CD, blow out the candles, grab hold of a mirror, and explain to yourself that Christina Aguilera was on to something. You're a genie in a bottle, baby, and you've got to rub you the right way. Tonight we talk to sexpert Sadie Allison, whose mission in life is to teach women how to give themselves ""big, wet, multiple, heart-pounding, scream-inducing, life-affirming, scrape-you-off-the-ceiling orgasms."" Oh, and she's got a few suggestions for you boys in the audience as well. Also, we're testing an electronic sleeping device for those nights when you have a headache. Plus, more Memoirs of a Radio Hut Guy, and another mouthwatering Girl Gone Wired.

Growing up as a kid today has got to be the best thing ever. Beside the advent of TiVo and MP3 players, there are so many nifty gadgets we would have paid top dollar for (or swiped from the shelves -- video surveillance wasn't an issue back then). It would have been great to take an X-ray spray and look inside that brown envelope addressed to Dad. Instead we had to steam it open only to find it was a copy of Field and Stream and not Playboy. Then we'd get busted because we couldn't get the damn thing sealed again. Tonight, Chet Canlas from the San Francisco International Spy Shop joins us to talk about an incredible product that lets you to look into any envelope. Plus, clairvoyant Gary Spivey, who has worked with some of the biggest names in Hollywood, sits in with the gang to talk about his psychic abilities. And in Girls Gone Wired, we take a sneak peek into the world of a brand new dolly.

Remember the good old days of the Internet? When just logging on via your 14.4 modem promised a plethora of crappy animation, urban legends, and chain email messages? When a man named Mahir gained worldwide renown with a simple website and the irresistible catchphrase ""I kiss you""? Tonight, Martin take a nostalgic look back at some of our favorite Web crazes and reminds us all that what appears brilliant today will surely look old and stupid tomorrow. We're also talking to an alien hunter so serious, he has trademarked the title. And we'll tell you how to prepare for the end of the world. Too highbrow for you? Then just tune in to meet our latest Girl Gone Wired. She hosts live chats and a webcam, and her idea of fun is ""staying home and playing on the computer."" ""Unscrewed"": your source for geeky, gorgeous girls.

You've seen the poster in Mulder's office, right? The one of the UFO and the caption ""I Want to Believe""? Well, if you're already a believer in aliens, you're going to love tonight's show. And if you're not, after tonight you will be. Ron Regehr is on the show to talk about how the United States is preparing itself for an alien attack. ""Hogwash,"" you say? Did I mention that Ron helped design spy satellites for the US government? I think this fella knows what he's talking about. ""The truth is out there."" Believe us. Or just believe him. Also making sure the truth is out there, Dan Yashar joins us via netcam to talk about a portable lie detector. So the next time you tell someone you're not a virgin, you'd better think twice. Plus, a brand-new Girl Gone Wired and another installment of Dear Blog.

What do you get when you combine two tough and tiny midget wrestlers, one sneaky tip for scoring free Internet access, one red-hot co-host, one singing squirrel, and the always unpredictable Martin Sargent? You get tonight's episode of ""Unscrewed,"" of course. One half-hour of high-impact entertainment for the whole family.

It's a weird, weird world out there. Why, even as I type these lines, aliens are infiltrating the minds of innocent people all around me, immobilizing them, controlling them, even persuading them not to wear protective headgear! Why are they targeting us? What are they planning? What did they do with Mulder's sister? Meanwhile, reasonably intelligent men and women of all ages are sacrificing staggering amounts of time, energy, and personal dignity to continue in their never-ending search for Sasquatch. What compels them to carry on? How does this legend survive, with so little in the way of supporting evidence? Why did ""Harry and the Hendersons"" ever make it to the big screen? Could this be yet another indication of alien influence? Tonight, ""Unscrewed"" takes a good, hard look at these questions, and completely fails to deliver anything in the way of a satisfactory answer. The truth may be out there, but it's not on this show. I don't know about you, but I'm blaming the aliens.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Tonight, Martin meets his biggest fan, Dave Rich. (We're still trying to verify if this is his only fan.) This guy not only openly stalks Martin but also has a website dedicated to wooing our fearless host -- including love poems and a top 10 list of reasons Martin should become gay. Also on tap tonight, the Dark Tipper shows you how to get some use out of your old computer parts. And porn starlet Christine Allure shows us why she's the most connected gal on the Web.

Despite what some of you seem to suggest with your email, phone calls, message board posts, petitions, picket lines, and assassination attempts, ""Unscrewed"" really is a technology show. To prove it, we've stuffed tonight's episode chock-full of hard-core, high-tech hijinks. You want the latest in technology news? We've got renowned conspiracy theorist Jim Marrs with hard proof of an alien invasion that occurred in 1897! You want brilliant scientific breakthroughs? Mark and Lorraine Moore utilized cutting-edge textiles and an interactive website to develop and market their wildly popular bird diaper! We've even got our research and development staff putting this clever contraption through rigorous testing. Because we're responsible journalists. We're legit. Too legit to quit. Plus, we'll show you how to navigate a brilliant new resource known as the information superhighway. Our first stops? High-quality entertainment (Martin's favorite game involving facial hair), inspirational images

Harold Ivey is our type of old-timer. This 70-plus Southern gentleman spends his days wrapped in handmade, skin-tight, groin-enhancing, leather and rubber clothing. Just like grandpa used to wear. Learn more about Harold and his techniques for masculine mounding on tonight's program. Also on the show, Martin gasps in horror as he learns that ""harmless"" airplane contrails are actually part of a government plot to poison us all! Damn you, chemtrails! Damn you all to hell!

Never before has so much evil been packed into one television program. On Monday's show the ""Dark Tipper,"" Kevin Rose, will unveil his most dangerous tip to date: a free piece of software that can crack any password on any website (even the naughty ones). We'll tell you more on Monday, but start drooling now. Also, let's not forget Monday's special musical guest (for real this time), Extreme Elvis: the nastiest, nakedest, most nauseatingest Elvis impersonator in the world. He's gonna sing, swear, and drop his drawers, whether you like it or not. And just so you know, you won't.

Hosting a late-night TV show on a channel with instant name recognition like TechTV can be dangerous work. The mobbing fans, the jilted lovers, the five-day pork rind binges to drown the loneliness -- it's all part of the package of being Martin Sargent. That's why Martin doesn't go anywhere without his stunt host, Dave Rubin. Also on the program, the infamous Gene Ray and his remarkable Time Cube; Search Sperts, our brand-new search engine game (played by dueling cam babes); and Laura outs Hollywood celebs who are not only gay, but ""very very gay.""

""Unscrewed"" has a kung-fu death grip on the pulse of the American music scene. Our industry insiders tell us that washed-up '80s hair bands are hotter than ever, so we rushed out and booked Poison front man Bret Michaels to come on the show to play our addictive new game, Porn Site or Not a Porn Site? Catch the outrageous action on tonight's show. Also on the program, the Web-savvy stalker behind The First Twins, Martin reads another Dear Blog, and our first installment of Fancy Fetish of the Week featuring a bunch of creepy crackheads dressed like toddlers.

Maddox fans, prepare to soil yourselves. The creator of The Best Page in the Universe will be on tonight's show to teach us the ins and outs of being a successful camwhore. Also on the program, Laura tortures her officemates with a novel form of instant messaging, Marty gets proof of life on Mars, and we play the latest new Internet craze: ""The Movie Poster Game.""

Scott Herriott is back. And he's pissed. OK, he's not exactly pissed, but he's sort of grumpy. Grumpy like a fox! Fine, foxes aren't grumpy, but the point is, Scott Herriott of ""Internet Tonight"" fame is joining ""Unscrewed"" as our in-house paranormal specialist, except for the fact that we won't let him in the house. Tonight, don't miss Scott's inaugural ghost-hunting safari to California's spookiest brewery, the Moss Beach Distillery. Plus, the Lizardman, Dr. Michio Kaku, a bunch of people hurting themselves, and the infamous ""Dark Tipper.""

No, Gillian Anderson has never starred in an adult film alongside a goat. Those images you downloaded from KaZaA are something we in the industry call ""fake."" On tonight's show we'll talk with Ed Lake, the ""Fake Detective,"" about the best way to separate phony, Photoshopped pics from the real deal. Also on tonight's program, we have a device that gives you one more reason to become a pothead, tips on the best porn prose online, and a blood-soaked Internet game that puts the ""URL"" in hurl. Send the kids to bed, put the pets in the oven, and get ready for yet another history-making episode of ""Unscrewed.""

Now we're getting somewhere. Monday's episode of ""Unscrewed"" promises to be the best yet, with not one but two mind-blowing guests who are as sexy as they are strange. First up is Asia Carrera, porn star and geek goddess, who'll school Martin on gaming, gadgets, and the tech that turns her on. Following Asia is none other than Ouchy the Clown, the Web's premier provider of ""adult clown services."" Ouchy will be in-studio equipped with his whip, squeaky horns, and signature leather ""ballkini.""

Rael, spiritual leader of the Raelians, is the byproduct of a romantic tryst between a human woman (mom) and a lusty little green man (dad) from a far-off planet. It's no surprise, then, that Rael chooses to walk around in an all-white jumpsuit and staunchly support human cloning. Anything less would be just plain weird. On tonight's show Martin catches up with ""His Holiness"" Rael as well as some guy who's offering $10,000 for a spouse. Also on the program is a Porn Tip with Judy, the Porn Mom, a visit from Scary Gary, and a rousing round of ""Female or She-Male?"" Get all the appropriate (and inappropriate) links below.

You'll understand Martin's disturbed look once you find out what staff scientist Perry did with Marty's precious Virtual Sex Machine. Also on tonight's episode, Martin will learn the secret of eternal life from the venerable Alex Chiu and his death-defying rings. Plus, memorable moments in NASA history, singing squirrels, and some crazy fat kid swinging a stick. Don't miss one thrilling moment of our first episode ever!