Disney didnt bother giving his any rational thinking other than “how can we possibly engage every possible demographic out there with the cheapest means possible” so I see no reason why I should grace it with a review by reviewing the notes I took while watching. So here are the raw notes and comments copied and pasted, sorry for the horrible editing but that would force me into having to use more time on this, time Id rather use to shoot myself in the face with a shotgun:

[spoiler]Shoots door button to close the door cause certainly that wouldnt break it and make it not function.... not even gonna ask how they got out again with a seemingly broken door button

monster breaking ice and swallowing a little speeder but the ship somehow landed just fine

beskar steel just a new and retarded disney invention ofc, surprised they didnt call it “valerian steel” lol

shot in widescreen to subliminally give anyone with less than 10 brain cells available calling themselves an old star wars fan “dat old star wars movies feelin”

“understatement of the millenium”more disney wannabe-funny bs just like in the shitty new movies...

ridiculous cgi lightning when the monster is prodded

that the mandalorians never take off their helmets is also pure bs just now invented by disney so they can set apart new age kidtard fans from old boomers, like the earlier “beskar steel” insert

cheap carbon freezing effects/cgi, but good that they included it for some more old fans service

empire credits apparently isnt good enough but “calamari flan” or whatever the f he said is apparently quote “fine” even though its half of what he wanted... a true mandalorian wouldve taken all of both credit types

“do you want the chit or not” either a retarded way of saying chip, once again so the new age kidtards can get more immersed based on cheap means, or a disney cop out to get to say “shit” even though its kinda for kids, sounds retarded anyway

(java's pet) alien looking at another one of the same species being fried for some reason looks like a cheapass doll and has cheapass dolly movement... oh wait thats ofc so that the disney execs can “activate” old star wars fans subliminally just like the retarded decision to shoot in widescreen

female mandalorian but as a smith ofc just in case we arent feeling her “toughness”... cause the “woke” demographic needs some coverage too

mini-mandalorian in flashbacks ofc seriously looks like little Jango Fett from episode II, cause more subliminal bs

heavy brute monster (blurrg) somehow sneaks up on him from the front while hes using monocular even though hes a “pro mandalorian”... guess theyre super light, oh wait no theyre heavy af, guess it must be some elf magic going on then lol. Also tranq darts give off electric shock for some reason, ofc with the same cheap cgi. monocular only have the color blue for some reason...

our pro anti-hero will apparently need to ride a blurrg cause “the way is impossible to pass without a blurrg... guess they forgot that its star wars and they have tons of “cool” technological equipment not to mention he has a f ship.... but lets go with the having to learn to ride a blurrg thingy cause why the f not right? Alot more entertaining, doesnt matter if its 100% retarded logically speaking

“this is a female, the males are all eaten during mating”, yupp we heard right, a bigass creature somehow survived evolution even though it seems to “do evolution completely backwards”... classic retard-universe-expansion a la disney, too bad they didnt shit out some retarded explanation as to what these bigass creatures subsist on on this lifeless rock planet. Why am I even surprised its retarded execs/writers with jack shit knowledge about ecology and biology (or anything else for that sake) that came up with it... probably the same retards that gave all the same retarded explanations on the different lifeforms in the game that recently came out, jedi order somethingsomething (also horrible too ofc)

I wonder how this ugnaught is able to see anything with those super concave goggles...

lets just forget that the terrain was “impossible to pass without a blurrg” when we are showing them traveling, by not showing any impassable terrain at all, lets just show them jumping over some gaps that the mandalorian easily couldve done himself

oh a bounty droid, which our mandalorian hates for some reason even though it seems to be doing wonders when it comes to disposing thugs, I smell a hk-47 ripoff... que the witty remarks and cold robot attitude probably poorly executed just like everything else (EDIT: I was wrong about this)

blasters dont have the associated “pew pew” sound cause that wasnt cool and tough enough so they had to put on some bass for that extra “umpf” feelin even though they now almost dont sound anything like a blaster have done for all the years star wars have existed

“up top” and the doid shoots straight up to presents us with a falling thug, I wonder where this thug was standing in the first place if the droid shot straight up, guess he was hovering in the air...

less than 10 seconds later the droid initiates self destruct because “it appears we are trapped”... guess he cant just try shooting his way out and if that fails he initiates the self destruct because disney needs some more pointless drama... but because the mandalorian tells him not to then ofc he just throws his “manufacturers protocol” right out the window, more disney logic

lasers hitting stone walls leaves no temperature change marks or singing... guess that wouldve been too much for the amateurs over at the cgi department to accomplish

mandalorian stands on the heavy blaster for 10 seconds shooting everyone around him even though he was taking cover until just then because everyone knows that if someone stands on a heavy gun no one else can suddenly neither shoot at him let alone hit him...

“that blaster hit looks nasty you ok?” yet not a single mark on the droid, IG11 as hes called, but the mandalorian still looks closer at that missing mark to really show us that its nasty even though its non existent

10$ says “the life form present” is a woman, oh wait its ofc the only possible thing that could engage us viewers even more than romantic tension: a cute little “yoda” ofcofc, cause disney's already invested millions into just the marketing (instead of the actual show) so it would be embarrassing if as much as just one critique out there said something bad ,or worse, gave this absolute shitshow anything less than 10/10. so naturally everyone needs to have their fan service organ stroked hard af... OMGOMG I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, KAWAIIII... geez what a true absolute f shitshow of a fan service mashup, can someone shoot me in the face, I beg you! Byebye star wars :( EDIT: this is where I wrote [/.spoiler] but apparently trakt cant be bothered to follow proper coding (I never wrote it after the first section indicating everything is a spoiler alert... GJ TRAKT!