I think the very best films are those that are able to speak to us, without being showy, of the rhythms and undercurrents that underpin our own lives. Sweeping emotional climaxes have never appealed to me as much as slow-burning, subtle explorations of our relationships with ourselves and others. Joanna Hogg's _The Souvenir_ contains no grand climax, no catharsis, no resolutions. Instead it flows, shifting direction, twisting ever so slightly, looping back on itself and moving on anew. From reading the reactions to it, some have objected to its lack of obvious plot or its intensely personal nature, but these are the qualities I found myself relishing.

It's beautifully shot, full of muted tones and the grain of 16mm, and the use of space and light are remarkable—the feeling of a cramped student flat is captured perfectly. We move constantly back and forward between the living room, the bedroom, the stairwell. When Julie and Anthony are out for dinner they're shot from a low position, just a table in amongst the others. Close-ups are rare and all the more impactful for when they do appear.

What resonated deeply with me is the sense of being in a relationship that clearly isn't healthy but has enough charm, enough life, in it that it seems as if there really is no alternative. I have had relationships like that, where my partner would be equally controlling and encouraging. I was young and impressionable and even after it became clear to everyone else that there was only one way things could end I clung to it. I understand Julie: I understand why she stays with Anthony and goes back to him and indulges him; I understand it when she apologises to him for his bad behaviour; I understand it when she begins to borrow money from her parents to fund his lifestyle, remaining wilfully ignorant of its realities. There are seldom great, dramatic ruptures in real-life relationships and so it is here.

The performances from all of the actors involved are astonishingly good. Hogg spoke about casting Swinton Byrne because she seemed uncomfortable in front of the camera, like an artist and not an actor. This has proved to work very well as Julie seems, genuinely, like a young woman who hasn't figured out who she is personally or artistically. Tom Burke's arrogant, golden-tongued Anthony has a sort of feline character to him, sly and charming and managing to convey much with just his eyes. He worms his way into Julie's life, setting boundaries and then breaking them, pushing her far beyond what any partner should have to do. He encourages her, cajoles her, bullies her and it fills the heart with despair to see the relationship go where he directs it. Richard Ayoade has a memorable cameo and Tilda Swinton is typically magnificent as Julie's mother—a highly-strung parent who gets 'shopping headaches' and makes Julie and Anthony sleep in separate rooms.

Hogg also spoke of her lack of desire to make a film about class and yet class is everywhere in _The Souvenir_. It's in the sets, the clothes, the accents. It's in Julie's desire to make films about dockworkers in Sunderland, shown disdain by working-class and bourgeois characters alike. It's in the family dynamics, the parties, the cheques that pay for the dinners. It hangs obliquely over everything, and while Julie is often quick to acknowledge her own privilege it is clear that she occupies a rarefied existence.

The film's close comes almost delicately, and without the sweep that might be expected from a lesser, more obvious picture. It made me feel a quiet, deep sense of loss that I'm still thinking about days later. I will come back to it, revisit it, think about it. That is what I want from cinema.