Let's get the good out of the way first. Christopher Lee does his best with the nothing he's given, fitting genuine affability and remorse where he can. McGregor is _better_ as Obi-Wan even if it'll still take him one more movie to really feel comfortable in the role. "Good job!' is genuinely funny.

That's it for the good. Phantom Menace could at least entertain some kids for a few hours, even if it probably wouldn't stick with them. This doesn't even have that. Lucas' directing hamstrings the cast, who can't be blamed for their wooden delivery. RD-D2 and C-3PO's comic relief does not fit in at all. Dex's Diner is an incredibly jarring shift. The film has no idea what it's trying to say or go for. The fights are just silly. The 'mystery', the chase sequence, and the droid factory sequence all go on for too long with no real excitement.

And the _romance_. Star Wars, in all of its films, has not had a single good romance. Not one that it's stuck with, at least (RIP to Finn and Rey, Finn and Poe, and Finn and Rose). This is the one movie in the franchise to focus _primarily_ on it, and the result is abysmal. It literally starts with Padme telling Anakin he'll always be that little boy she knew on Tatooine. Not a great start! Combine that with the awkward and overwrought lines, the constrained acting, Anakin pursuing her even when she's made it clear she's uncomfortable with it, and the forgiveness of genocide, and you have a slog of a film. I can't even see kids having a fun time with this one, and that's the most damning slight of all.