My faith in American cinema hasn’t been _this_ low. Imperialists are just out of ideas. It’s literally depressing these types of films make money.

This movie is exactly as dumb as you think. A juvenile kind of humor - swearing! the funny man said the F word LOL! explosions! boob jokes! terrible CGI of people being run over by a car! _Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard_ genuinely feels like it was written by a 10 year old boy.

* Who in their right mind casts Antonio Banderas to play a Greek man called Aristotle Papadopoulos (!!!!!!) while still speaking in his Spanish accent???? Cause you know there are no Greek actors in Hollywood, I have never heard of Greek actors, ever!!! In Hollywood you can't have a person with Spanish accent as the villain, no no, that's not PC, so let's make him .... Greek. :face_vomiting: And the Spanish accent of the ”Greek” 'mastermind' is as depressing as Oldman's fluctuating stereotype "Russian" accent, that was SO SO fucking bad that make my ears bleed. Will Yanks ever give the roles of Russians/Greeks etc. to actual Russian/Greek actors? The answer is NO! That way Yanks would be out of roles pretty quickly.

* Sam Jackson plays the same character in every movie.

* I hate to be that person but I could tell this movie was written by a man because of literally all of Salma Hayek's dialogue and basically her character as whole. She can never complain about the state of female or ethnic representation on screen when the casting sheet for her character was probably, _"Loud, very loud Mexican woman. Has really big tits. Reaaally big. Seriously, she screams all of her lines."_ When the jokes don't stick, screaming's going to make them work so much better.

The plot is every, generic, Russian (_BUT_ Greek in this case, because diversity, yay!), spy movie about American idiots having to save the world, you've ever seen in your life. Of course, in this type of movies, the plot just has to make no sense at all - in this case why is the EU placing economic sanctions on Greece? And what Antonio Banderas's master plan was, to shut down Europe's data?