Have you ever missed a train? A bus? A boat? Sure, you get on the next one that comes but the one that’s gone was way more fun. Yes, it was going in the same direction and ended at the same place, but the other one was a far more enjoyable ride. Do you know what that’s like? Because Frantz does. He really missed the boat this time.

_Frantz_ is a 2016 film by respected French director Francois Ozon, and deals with Franco-German relations in the wake of World War One. Or, at least it should. Instead it -- before this review goes any further, let me warn you this train of thought has more spoilers than the Orient Express has ticket checkers.

Frantz could’ve been a beautiful allegory where the talented Saxon Paula Beer (pronounced ‘bear’, not like the drink) portrays dejected post-war Germany and Frenchman Pierre Niney (pronounced ‘ninny’, like his character in this movie) plays guilt-ridden France.

Riding this metaphor throughout the film and including some of the more interesting tertiary storylines (the pacifism angle looked inviting but was sadly left under-explored) would’ve made for one hell of a journey.

Ozon took the easy route, however, and chose to take us on a voyage so deep into melodrama we finished in a soap opera. Beer (whom I loved in 2018’s Werk ohne Autor / Never Look Away) does her best to contain the emotional extravagances of the story but Ninney transports them so far over the top that his performance is a trainwreck.

Yet, he alone is not responsible for getting off track. Ozon would’ve been far better off doing a comic book or a play from this material (in fact, Frantz is based on a 1932 movie [_Broken Lullaby_] which was based on a 1930 French play, _L’homme que j’ai tué_), rather than the movie he tried to make of the material.

I mean, even if you’re on board with the Harlequin direction this movie takes, the absurd romance will stop you short. Seriously, [spoiler] a woman falls in love with the man who slaughtered her fiancé!? How does that work? "Ooh, we have so much in common! Like, I loved the man you shot and killed." [/spoiler]

There is so much on this trip that works. The use of color vs black & white to symbolize happiness is original, some of the ideas we see in passing look intriguing, and the scenery is gorgeous (it won the 2017 César for Best Cinematography). But in the end, what was meant to be a pleasure cruise turned out to be a disappointing detour when Frantz missed the boat.