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User Reviews for: Drive

$hubes
1/10  8 months ago
Out of alll the movies I've watched and scored here on Trakt, I don't know that I've ever graded anything a "1"...mainly because I don't understand what "Weak Sauce" means, but I **do** know what "Terrible" means. This film, however, deserves less than a "1"; whatever is lower than "Weak Sauce"...that was this film. Absolutely the stupidest thing I've ever wasted my time on, and that's saying a lot when you consider that I've sat through _Chopper Chicks from ZombieTown_ and _Flesh-Eating Mothers_ and even recently sat through the completely hilarious _Rubber_ about a sentient tire. (You read that right: a tire...a rubber car tire half-buried in the sand that suddenly develops a life and mind of its own.) I added this to my Watchlist on Tubi after reading an article where Guillermo del Toro raved about it and talked about how much fun it was, etc etc. Well, Mr. del Toro, you certainly seem to have a great penchant for writing and producing films, but you absolutely SUCK at picking them out. This was one of the most awful steaming turds I've ever sat through; at 35 minutes, I was already convinced to turn it off and scratch it off my list as a 35-minute loss but no, I decided to go ahead and watch it all the way through. Stupid stupid stupid STUPID. There is no way anyone should have to subject themselves to this über-cheap knockoff of Jackie Chan's and Chris Tucker's _Rush Hour_ franchise. The story itself was ludicrous at best (another cheap imitation of Jason Statham's _Crank_ where the guy had to keep adrenaline rushing through his system), the acting was completely horrible - on EVERY part (hint: there's a reason you've never heard of these people), and the fight scenes...well, they were comedic, not thrilling "fights". Think of the many Jackie Chan ridiculous fight scenes in some of his movies, then multiply that by about 50 and you get the stupidity that was this movie. (By the way, Jackie Chan was a legitimate martial artist and was even an extra in the famous nunchaku scene in Bruce Lee's _Enter the Dragon_ so I'm not disrespecting Jackie. He's always been one of my favorites...but he intentionally makes some of his "fight" scenes outlandishly hilarious.)

I could begin listing off many of the ridiculous scenes, mistakes, stupidity, etc in this movie that caused my dislike for it, but there would be far too many and I've already wasted more time on this review than it deserves. Suffice it to say, _Drive_ doesn't know whether it's an action movie, a martial arts movie, a comedy, or something completely different. One thing it definitely is, however: a HUGE waste of time. Your mileage will NOT vary; do not waste your time on this steaming pile of fetid compost. You will thank me.

This. Was. Awful.
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