What could be more exciting than a biopic about a controversial female writer which includes bisexuality, feminism and transsexuality? Sadly, not this film.

_Colette_, starring a competent Keira Knightley, takes all the fascinating aspects of the early years of France's most famous female writer and glosses over them in a terribly generic way. If you had sex with this _Colette_ movie, it would be in the missionary position with the lights out and without one gasp of pleasure or drop of sweat.

_Colette_, a film about a French icon filmed entirely in English, is a watered down absinthe served in a neighborhood pub where they don't really serve absinthe.

The good news is, I'm the only critic who feels this way about this one, so if you're at all interested in this film please see it and feel free to mock me incessantly.